Willard’s quote below is an additional reason I struggle with prayer and hardly pray much at all anymore (there are many reasons). Primarily, I haven’t found a proper way to pray that sits well w/my theology. I don’t want my prayers to resemble “vampire christianity”.
I also don’t want to teach my sons to treat god like a genie in a bottle who doles out our wishes. Also, b/c I saw one of my greatest prayers for my Mom never happen, and that fucking pisses me off. Like a friend of mine commented when he lost his son, “it feels like I was tricked”.
I want to avoid vampire Christianity in my life and if/whenever I feel comfortable to pray again.
This ‘heresy’ has created the impression that it is quite reasonable to be a ‘vampire Christian.’ One in effect says to Jesus, ‘I’d like a little of your blood, please. But I don’t care to be your student or have your character. In fact, won’t you just excuse me while I get on with my life, and I’ll see you in heaven.’ But can we really imagine that this is an approach that Jesus finds acceptable? – Dallas Willard
Almost surprisingly my faith is strong, and I have hope that someday I’ll pray again and that I’ll also be able to teach my sons how to pray properly. But until that day I’ll sit quietly while you all pray.