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My Self-Hate and Body-Obliteration Feels Good…Right Now.

My Self-Hate and Body-Obliteration Feels Good…Right Now.

So in my attempt to fully obliterate my knee (as if 35 years of soccer and baseball didn’t already do the job), and my shoulder (I have no idea why my upper arm is in pain) I’ve entered 3 gravel “races” for this year. To note, I enter these races to complete, not compete.

The 3 races –

Gravelleur’s Raid – just the 50 mile course to get a finish under my belt and warm up the knee.

#DirtyKanza 100 – the main event of the summer. This one will be on the anniversary of my Mom’s passing and will obvious be physically tough, and even more so emotionally taxiing. If I’m able to finish the DK100 I’ll be a blubbering mess. My hope is to build up to be in and complete the Dirty Kanza 200…eventually.

Gravel Worlds – 75 mile course in a new (to me) location should be fun.

My venture into gravel grinding is for fighting the spare tire that is creeping around my belly; is much prefer the spare tire be on my bike. But more importantly I ride in remembrance of my Mom and her fight with Alzheimer’s which ended last June on the day I was riding in my first Dirty Kanza. #milesforMom

As I continue with my training (now that we are above freezing temps…for a little while at least) I’ll try and post on different topics like, why gravel, tips on gravel racing, equipment, “the cave”/2017 Dirty Kanza 100, training (how much bourbon and how many cigars you can consume without bonking 😉), knee pain (my own personal challenge), nutrition etc. Keep in mind I’m not a professional so I’ll post from my own personal experiences – what works for me might not work for you. If you need professional experience I have a number of friends, podcasts and websites I can recommend.

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Posted by on February 26, 2018 in gravel grinding, Uncategorized

 

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My political silence is ending…but not on FB.

My political silence is ending…but not on FB.

My political silence is ending…but not on FB. Fire it up.

Since last September when my dog Baron died…


…I’ve tempered my FB posts a bit in realization that FB is just nonsense and utter bullshit when it comes to politics. I love you all but it truthfully is. It devolves down to who can shout the loudest?! 

So back then, I turned over a new leaf on FB and have tried, to the best of my ability, to keep my Facebook posts free of my own personal politics (except for “liking” other peoples’ political posts). Political FB posts are often times just way too divisive. Posts on a screen don’t have the ability to change culture, or advance anything meaningful or tangible, really. It’s just an attempt of who can shout the loudest while reinforcing our own cognitive biases. We simply “like” ideas we agree with, while we dismiss (demean) ideas or people groups we don’t agree with. Facebook has become a different form of the “Christian ghetto”. Facebook requires nothing of the user other than the click of a thumbs up, or sharing things we really, really, really agree with; and we just know that if people will read what I shared they’ll change their minds and agree with my cognitive bias posts. (heavy sarcasm implied)

My blog on the other hand is fair game for any and all topics!…and it’s also where I would like to invite you all to engage me for RESPECTFUL discourse. Topics will include: theology (sin of certainty, books I’m reading, how we read the Bible, turning the other cheek vs why Jesus doesn’t champion christian warriors/soldiers, evolution), racism, politics (Dems and Repubs are both wrong, legislating morality is wrong-er), business (sales primarily), sports (KU, Royals, Sporting KC and muckfizzou), my new love of gravel grinding, BBQ (reviews and my own smoking), cigars (reviews and FDA bullshit regulation updates), etc, etc, etc. 

But everything that has happened from the president recently is absolutely unbelievable, and astonishing. And yet, at the same time, not surprising of him at all. That fact is regrettably the sad, hopeless feeling of pulling the curtain back on Trump’s true character. 

So with all this nonsensical, despicable bullshit going on from the president and the Church’s silence in response to him I might have to start firing the blog up again and I apologize in advance. 😉😎 but seriously, I want to encourage you to engage me – I’m nice…for the most part. So if you don’t understand why I believe something I wrote about, just ask me. My blog is called “Dialogo de Derek” for a reason – it’s an invitation into a conversation. It’s not meant to just be a monologue, or my own diatribe.

Honestly though, writing for me is more cathartic than anything else; it allows me to hammer something out, take a deep breath, exhale and continue on without loosing my noodle. I’ve written several posts recently and just haven’t hit “publish”. If/when I start writing again I will link to the posts on FB, but still keep my FB feed free of my direct thoughts, you’ll have to click the link to see the inner workings of my randomness. We’ll see what jumps from my brain to my blog in the coming days. You’ve been warned. 😉😜 I love you all…or at least most of you. 🤣

 
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Posted by on August 15, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Hopeless Shit vs Hope…For Now…Until That Day

Hopeless Shit vs Hope…For Now…Until That Day

The Preface of Being Pissed Off

Yesterday I was driving home from Omaha and reflecting on all the good meetings I had the past couple days at the hospitals I call on. What I didn’t expect was later that evening to be sitting in my living room, holding a glass of bourbon (well that’s always expected 😉) and typing out a post while crying my eyes out over a song. I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness and hopelessness from something I believe has been stolen from my sons. 

I was feeling heartbroken and pissed off like I’ve never felt before at the hollow bill of theological goods churches sell about God.* Thankfully from all the shit that happened at churches I attended in Little Rock I’m not sold out to allowing a church feed beliefs into me. Over the past 5 years I’ve had a paradigm shift in a lot of my religious beliefs and my view on the Bible. Don’t worry I’m not jaded with God, just the Church. {Thankfully we’ve found a great church here in Olathe that helps me grounded.}

The Song

This song, “When Your Kingdom Comes” by The Silver Pages (link below) is continually punching me in the gut. It’s hard to listen to and not just cry. I’m talking a serious ugly cry like lay night. I’m not kidding I was making noises I’ve never heard from me. It was like a duck being stepped on slowly. 😜

When I heard the song on the drive home from Omaha last night it immediately made me tear up.

The Hopeless Shit

With all the horrible, gut wrenching, hopeless shit that goes on in this world…for me personally it’s dealing with the effects of Alzheimer’s on my Mom, knowing my mom isn’t able to enjoy and love on my amazing sons like she would if Alzheimer’s hadn’t taken her beautiful mind and spirit away…for those who are dealing with their children suffering in some manner, cancer, losing loved ones, having to bury your own child, divorce, abuse, some assholes valuing a gorilla more than a child’s life (I honestly don’t give a fuck if you’re offended by me saying that…did you miss the part about my Mom has Alzheimer’s? That she doesn’t recognize me, her son. Do you think I care if you’re offended about what I said about a gorilla, or that I said “shit”, “assholes”, and “fuck”? I don’t care. My. Mom. Doesn’t. Know. Who. I. Am. I don’t care if you’re offended by a statement or a word or my beliefs. If you are offended just click away and stop reading my posts.), feeling the church has tricked you by teaching an empty and faulty theology that life is peachy by saying a prayer and that God will fix and cure everything…

…but this song points to hope. Sometimes all we have is hope. 

The Hope…For Now…Until That Day

Hope is not a tangible replacement, honestly in a way it’s  just a mind-game and for some, maybe for me, a coping mechanism. It won’t bring my Mom’s mind and spirit back anytime soon. But what hope will allow is for me to imagine and dream of one day when heaven kisses earth and all things are redeemed/renewed, my boys will run up to their Mimi and give her the biggest hugs and she will have the biggest smile on her renewed mind and body as she hugs them back as she had always craved. Her spirit (and patience in raising me 😉 ) is one of never ending grace and loving kindness. 

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Hope.

Sometimes hope is all we have to cling to…and hope can be beautiful…for now…until that day.

Anyway, have a listen to the song and cling to hope…for now…until that day.

Please Lord, remember me when you walk in paradise. Please Lord, remember me, let me walk there by your side.

*I’ll have a post expounding a bit more on some of these topics in a couple days…maybe the post will just be cathartic for me but that’s ok with me. That’s mostly all of my writing anyways. There are so many things I don’t post but maybe I should for the sake of letting others know maybe what they’re feeling isn’t isolated to only themselves.

 

 
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Posted by on June 1, 2016 in theology, Uncategorized

 

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If You Vote You Can’t Complain Because You’re The One To Blame For The Mess. Why And When It’s Ok To Not Vote

If You Vote You Can’t Complain Because You’re The One To Blame For The Mess. Why And When It’s Ok To Not Vote


Note – there is coarse language used in this post because this is a hot topic for me. And you might be offended by what I say about you, if you’ve said what pisses me off. But do know that I still love you. 😊👍

I used to be super gung-ho about politics. It was just as exciting as sports for me. I grew up very similar to Alex P. Keaton in “Family Ties” but where he admired Nixon I admired Reagan.

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(Tangent – I love Michael J Foxx and am heartbroken by what Parkinson’s has done to him.) 

The third picture above is something I drew after the 1984 presidential election when Reagan won reelection against Mondale. The laser beam shooting from Reagan’s spaceship was clearly what helped Reagan win a landslide election against Mobdsle in a horse drawn buggy. What normal 9 year old kid does that? It’ll probably be in the Smithsonian someday. 😉

People used to tell me I should run for office. I have been to Reagan’s Library in Simi Valley, CA countless times. I have worked endless hours on candidates’ campaigns. I have stood on street corners waving candidates signs on Election Day. I stood next to a US congressional district candidate as he placed his concession call to his opponent late in the evening on election night. I even almost moved to DC after the candidate I supported lost…and then later after he had lost went to jail on wire fraud charges and a mortgage scheme. But that’s a story for later. 

But I am now disheartened super ticked off at both the Republican and Democratic parties for a variety of party-specific matters, but collectively from both parties’ desire to legislate morality. Legislating morality is not their job – government is not the moral compass of the people.

So here we are today on Super Tuesday and I knew rather soon I would start seeing people litter Facebook with the same old, “If you don’t vote, you can’t complain”.

Bullshit!

That comment is tired, trite, pious, and just flat out wrong. Do not say this to people. You’re just being an ass and ending the conversation. Plus if you voted for the jerked in office then you’re the one to blame when everything goes to hell – not the person who doesn’t vote. George Carlin waxes eloquently and crudely on this topic. This video is NSFW and if you’re easily offended by cuss words…well you shouldn’t have read this post but definitely do t watch this video; and he also makes an allegorical reference of masturbation. You’ve been warned. 

Voting is an amazing privilege we have in the United States. If a voter feels so compelled to not attach their name/vote with any candidate because of a believed lack of proper representation from the candidates then that (non)voter has every right to be just as involved in discussions as some one who did cast a vote. Unless you’re going to continue in being an ass with that point of view.
Two weeks ago my wife asked me who I would vote for and I told her I don’t know and that I might not cast a vote for the presidential race. My conviction (as a recovering Republican) after studying the current candidates leads me to the conclusion that there are no candidates that I would put my name behind to support. Kansas is a caucus state and individual voters in Kansas do not vote today on Super Tuesday. So, thankfully I dont have to make a decision today about voting or not voting. As of right now I don’t know if I’ll vote. I’ll let the primaries play out and see who rises from the dust (read: multi-million dollar campaigns). I do know this; if Trump wins the Republican nomination I will vote for whoever the Democrat is. That is a definite.

Now having said that…
Two warnings to non-voters:
1) Not voting costs the non-voter nothing it should not be used as a scapegoat for that person to say, “Well, it’s not my fault, I didn’t vote.” Well, no shit Sherlock but this is not your time to grandstand because of your decision. You still have a stake in the game. You should be so upset by your lack of representation to be moved to action and not have to repeat the same abstention the next election.

and…
2) For god’s sake, don’t not vote as a cover for you to be lazy and ignorant about the candidates and the issues. Get off your ass, educate yourself and care about your community so when jackasses stop saying “If you don’t vote you can’t complain” then you can bring a reasonable opinion and point of view to the conversation.

So in wrapping up…if come election day I end up not voting you can be frustrated with me if you want – it’s your prerogative. But please understand this, I’m not voting because I don’t care enough, but because I care too much.

I care too much about our country and the sacrifices made by our military to see our government elections devolve into popularity contests and capital pissing matches. I don’t have the solution to everything (or anything in particular) but I also won’t sit idly by and watch my country’s government become a mockery of idiots making big decisions with far reaching ramifications and/or consequences.

Yes, I might not cast a vote in the presidential race, but dammit, it’s not it’s because I don’t care, but because I care too much.

Those are my four half-pennies.

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2016 in culture, politics, Uncategorized

 

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R.S.S.D. Is An Embarrassing Disorder And It Could Be Effecting Millions of People

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3 generations of Royals fans (front to rear): Greer (my son), Me, My Dad in an awesome 1985 Royals World Series Champions hat.

Ebola and EV-D68 are serious viruses. What I’m about to explain to you is not serious but could be embarrassing for a bit.

If you see me wearing shorts in November, yes AR weather normally will allow for shorts in November, this is because I’m suffering from a disorder that will soon be listed in the JAMA as an official disorder: RSSD – Royals Seasonal Shorts Disorder.

The cause of this disorder is because from 1990-2013 the Royals seasons were in essence over in May. May as we all know is the height of shorts season. So for the next couple months I might be a little confused about proper attire and being that I live in mild weather perpetuity I’m glad I won’t catch frost-bite. But I pray for my Royals-fans-friends who live in Kansas & Missouri where it actually gets cold.

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More proof about this disorder: Never in the past 2 decades have the Royals been in contention to warrant carving a “Royals Pumpkin”, but here’s my amateur attempt…come to think of it…are there professional pumpkin carving attempts?

But for now I’ll spend some time relaxing before college football and college basketball get started in a few months…wait…KU basketball has a game on Monday?! Well this is just freaking awesome!

On a more serious note (ummm, that sounds way too serious) when the fog of the Game 7 loss lifts (things are seeming better day by day – I’m down to 3 bottles of bourbon per day to help numb the pain) I will have a blog post covering my family’s trip to Kauffman stadium this past July (the first picture in this post is from that trip), and in that same post I’ll some other final thoughts on this magical season. What an amazing season!

Go Royals!

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2014 in sports, Uncategorized

 

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Soccer In America: World Cup Fever vs. I’m Just Plain Sick of the World Cup, part I

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Soccer, Yoda, Hulk, Fred, and Marcus Smart in the Same Post? Yes, but not all today. This is a two-part (on back to back days) post. I’m not like ESPN or Yahoo! Sports, or CBS Sports that stretches it out for months. This will be short and sweet…and if we (the USA) advance to the knock-out rounds I’m sure there will be more posts. You’ve been warned! 😉

Since the World Cup began, about two weeks ago, I’ve had lots of thoughts bouncing around in my head so there are several topics in this post. Most of these topics I will just touch on lightly…I don’t go too much in to detail. If I did it would make this post super, super long instead of just super long. I hope you enjoy…and of course fire back your thoughts to me. I love civilized dialogue!

Move Along, There Is No Donovan To See Here

I believe it was a mistake for Landon Donovan to be left off of the World Cup squad. Of course hindsight is 20/20 but I was miffed about this when the squad was announced.

But we need to get over it. Sure, it’d be awesome to have him at the World Cup, especially considering the injury to Josey Altidore. I thought it’d be great that even if Donovan didn’t start we could bring him off the bench in the 60th minute to change the pace of our attack. But since he was left off of the roster he can’t play. It’s over. It’s done. He’s one helluva player and I wish he could be with us but he can’t. So we need to get over it and stop bitching about it.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

As the game on Thursday gets closer I’m getting more and more nervous thinking about the game and if the US will advance out of the group stage.

All Germany needs to do advance, and take first place in our group is draw with us on Thursday.

All we need to do to advance is beat Germany or tie Germany.

Oh, one little thing though…Germany is good…damn good! Did you see the hurt they put on Portugal? The same Portugal that we tied 2-2. To be fair Ghana tied Germany 2-2 and we beat Ghana…so who knows what will happen?

Even if we lose against Germany we can still advance if Portugal and Ghana draw, but I don’t see that happening. Cristiano Ronaldo even came out recently and said he doesn’t believe they (Portugal) are a top team and by their showing in the World Cup so far I would agree. They’re old and several of their players are battered and bruised and also hot-heads who can get red-cards for the dumbest of things. I believe Ghana can beat Portugal and our goal differential with Ghana is razor thin. We are +1 and Ghana is -1. Now Portugal can still advance too, but they need a ton of goals to do so and if they start forcing the issue that can leave them exposed for counterattacks with Ghana’s high pressure defending which is excellent. Did you see how they controlled much of the second half against us. And there’s a reason for why they did, but I won’t get into the boring tactical analysis.

I’m secretly hoping there are some back-room deals going on between the US and Germany and they’ve already agreed to play the most boring game ever and in a draw; but in reality that’s not going to happen. So I am genuinely becoming more and more nervous about the game on Thursday. But as an optimist I believe I will be celebrating with a big, fat, celebratory cigar on my drive home from Northwest Arkansas on Thursday.

{If you’re still not clear on what is going on with all the tie-breakers here is how the US and all the other countries can advance, if they are not already eliminated.}

We’ve Come A Long Way

Soccer has come a long way in the United States. I can remember back to my freshman year of high school in Topeka, KS and the football team was running next to our soccer field while we were practicing and the football team was yelling homophobic slurs at all of us and then my coach feeling the need to stick up for us went over and was about to start a fight with some of the football players. We thought it was hilarious and we weren’t affected by the slurs they were yelling. I guess I should probably be in counseling for the bullying I experienced that day, but that’s for another post. The point is, is that soccer has risen above the floor of most civilized* people in the United States not necessarily understanding it completely, but at least not making fun of it.

As we were getting done with our league soccer game this past Sunday we were hearing reports of alot of restaurants being jam-packed full of people ready to watch the US vs. Portugal game. This soccer fever has been caught by a wave of people across the US and this is fun! Outside of Little Rock there are huge watch parties all across the country in Kansas City, Chicago, Houston, Brooklyn and more cities drawing tens of thousands of people at each location! I’m telling you, hearing about all of this and seeing different clips on the news, social media, and on youtube from each location…this is fun!

Floppity Flop Flop and Marcus Smart

I’ll admit that flopping in soccer is a big problem. But it’s getting much better…in most cases.

And then after a little spray from the magic spray can they’re good to go and right back in the game.

Magic Spray is Magic! – photo credit to SBNation.com

 

Yes, flopping sometimes seems unique to soccer but remember Marcus Smart?

I will also say that for the most part USA players do not flop. There will always be exceptions and incidents when it will happen, but mostly when a USA player goes down it’s because they were fouled. I’m not a soccer apologist – there are issues, just as there are issues with all sports – no sport is perfect and this is a specific example where soccer can get better.

Soccer thankfully has made a serious effort to decrease flopping by doling out yellow cards for Marcus Smart-esque flops, or at the very least letting the play to continue on without even acknowledging the flop.

That’s all for today…

In my next post ,on Wednesday, I’ll cover: kissing you sister, hate towards soccer, awesome world cup player names, and how I’m not a snobbish soccer fan but I don’t need you to like soccer.

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2014 in community, sports, Uncategorized

 

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Dear Mother Nature, You Suck

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Dear mother nature,
You suck.
Last week Topeka got 13″ of snow and yesterday in Topeka it was a high of 15 degrees with a wind chill below freezing, and today they have a possibility of more snow – that honestly sounds lovely to this Northerner.

Here are my complaints: This past Friday In little Rock we barely got 3″ of snow, and while it unfortunately, but not too surprisingly, and also somewhat humorously, to me, crippled our lovely city, all of that snow had already completely melted away as of Monday. No trace whatsoever – like it never even happened…except for the people who are still going to pick up their cars that they abandoned after getting stuck the evening of the semi-frozen-torrential-white-out which amounted to the previously mentioned whopping 3″. Three inches.

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photo courtesy of LR Fire Dept – we drove up this hill past all the abandoned cars

Two nights ago…let me rephrase that…for the past 5 nights (prior to Tuesday) Little Rock meteorologists forecasted a possibility of 7″ of snow coming in on Tuesday; in a way such that seemed like they were promising a winter storm of biblical proportions…

…I was giddy with anticipation…I wanted to stay up all night to watch all the snow come down…but instead of 7″ we got zero snow, not even a dusting, nothing, zip, zilch, nada.

$5,000,000…wait, what’s that number you ask? That’s my estimated guess of the revenue of Kroger and local liquor stores from people stocking up on essentials to survive this potential apocalypse. They were the only people smiling along with me when the weathermen forecasted the 7″. But again you dashed my hopes.

Additionally, this weekend I’m going to visit my family in Topeka to celebrate my Mom’s birthday, and my Son’s first birthday. All this week in Topeka it’s supposed to be in the upper 40s and by Saturday you’re going to make it be 60 degrees?! C’mon, are you kidding me?! Hello moron, the snow will melt! But you’re well aware of this and you’re doing it on purpose. I know how you work. Thanks a lot. Sheesh.

The only good thing to come of the heat wave you’re sending Topeka this week is that hopefully it will melt the ice on my parent’s lake…

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current picture of my Parents’ lake – yes there is a lake out there

…so we can have the Second Annual Blaylock/Wilson Polar Bear Plunge.

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But I bet you’ll do something to kick me while I’m down.

Sincerely,
Livid in Little Rock, and Tepid This Weekend in Topeka.

 
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Posted by on February 12, 2014 in creation, Uncategorized

 

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