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Hopeless Shit vs Hope…For Now…Until That Day

Hopeless Shit vs Hope…For Now…Until That Day

The Preface of Being Pissed Off

Yesterday I was driving home from Omaha and reflecting on all the good meetings I had the past couple days at the hospitals I call on. What I didn’t expect was later that evening to be sitting in my living room, holding a glass of bourbon (well that’s always expected 😉) and typing out a post while crying my eyes out over a song. I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness and hopelessness from something I believe has been stolen from my sons. 

I was feeling heartbroken and pissed off like I’ve never felt before at the hollow bill of theological goods churches sell about God.* Thankfully from all the shit that happened at churches I attended in Little Rock I’m not sold out to allowing a church feed beliefs into me. Over the past 5 years I’ve had a paradigm shift in a lot of my religious beliefs and my view on the Bible. Don’t worry I’m not jaded with God, just the Church. {Thankfully we’ve found a great church here in Olathe that helps me grounded.}

The Song

This song, “When Your Kingdom Comes” by The Silver Pages (link below) is continually punching me in the gut. It’s hard to listen to and not just cry. I’m talking a serious ugly cry like lay night. I’m not kidding I was making noises I’ve never heard from me. It was like a duck being stepped on slowly. 😜

When I heard the song on the drive home from Omaha last night it immediately made me tear up.

The Hopeless Shit

With all the horrible, gut wrenching, hopeless shit that goes on in this world…for me personally it’s dealing with the effects of Alzheimer’s on my Mom, knowing my mom isn’t able to enjoy and love on my amazing sons like she would if Alzheimer’s hadn’t taken her beautiful mind and spirit away…for those who are dealing with their children suffering in some manner, cancer, losing loved ones, having to bury your own child, divorce, abuse, some assholes valuing a gorilla more than a child’s life (I honestly don’t give a fuck if you’re offended by me saying that…did you miss the part about my Mom has Alzheimer’s? That she doesn’t recognize me, her son. Do you think I care if you’re offended about what I said about a gorilla, or that I said “shit”, “assholes”, and “fuck”? I don’t care. My. Mom. Doesn’t. Know. Who. I. Am. I don’t care if you’re offended by a statement or a word or my beliefs. If you are offended just click away and stop reading my posts.), feeling the church has tricked you by teaching an empty and faulty theology that life is peachy by saying a prayer and that God will fix and cure everything…

…but this song points to hope. Sometimes all we have is hope. 

The Hope…For Now…Until That Day

Hope is not a tangible replacement, honestly in a way it’s  just a mind-game and for some, maybe for me, a coping mechanism. It won’t bring my Mom’s mind and spirit back anytime soon. But what hope will allow is for me to imagine and dream of one day when heaven kisses earth and all things are redeemed/renewed, my boys will run up to their Mimi and give her the biggest hugs and she will have the biggest smile on her renewed mind and body as she hugs them back as she had always craved. Her spirit (and patience in raising me 😉 ) is one of never ending grace and loving kindness. 

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Hope.

Sometimes hope is all we have to cling to…and hope can be beautiful…for now…until that day.

Anyway, have a listen to the song and cling to hope…for now…until that day.

Please Lord, remember me when you walk in paradise. Please Lord, remember me, let me walk there by your side.

*I’ll have a post expounding a bit more on some of these topics in a couple days…maybe the post will just be cathartic for me but that’s ok with me. That’s mostly all of my writing anyways. There are so many things I don’t post but maybe I should for the sake of letting others know maybe what they’re feeling isn’t isolated to only themselves.

 

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Posted by on June 1, 2016 in theology, Uncategorized

 

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