Why is there a (very much delayed) second (and third) part to this post? Well, this is a follow-up to my first post and is what actually happened to me (and my wife), and in the next part I’ll examine “why” it happened. I will bring up some ideas/thoughts of why what happened in our community group actually happened. Make sense? In essence, I am going to look at the reason behind the reason.
Earlier this year…well actually, earlier last year (2012), my wife and I were asked to leave our community group. Over 2 1/2 years ago my wife and I had joined this community group through the church we used to attend, and we had been part of this community group since the beginning of our marriage. The reason two of the guys were asking us to leave was that in their opinion, and in their words, I was bitter, and divisive with my opinions of their church, and also that I was posting negative thoughts (on social media) about their church that made them feel defensive. They told me I could remain in the community group if I stopped posting the things I had been posting, and that I had 48 hours to decide if I would comply with their demands…I mean their desires. 😉
Rush to Judgment
First of all, their accusations were completely off-base. Unless there is something completely egregious done by a specific church I don’t post about any one specific church. I post about the “church at large”. I did have one blog post about a year ago from a sermon I heard at our former church that really irked me, but in all other examples I posted in generalities about “the church at large”. I guess somehow they had a bit of narcissism built into the things I post where they thought everything I talked about was about their church. On their last complaint it almost brought me to the point of laughter, is that one of them went so far as to say that he felt uncomfortable with what I post because he believed people would associate what I would post as representing his thoughts and views. WTF?!?! Wow. That comment totally blew me away. That type of attitude is full-fledged narcissism. But now the whole “excommunication” has had time to blow over; in a way can still be a bit irksome (not sure if that is really a word) but in actuality it’s just simply comical and laughable. What happened in that community group is no way representative of true community. My wife and I now just laugh at the whole situation. While she doesn’t always condone what I post…and truth be told she sometimes cringes when I proudly proclaim, “I blogged!”, she overall respects and supports my beliefs and supports the avenues in which I express them. I love my wife!
Me and the Wifey
Now I will admit, none of this would have happened if I knew how to keep my fat, pie-hole shut about things that the church (at large) does that upsets me. (if you need a reminder of why I post what I post see my last post: The Explanation) But please understand what I am saying: the things that I posted & tweeted, that the guys were upset about, (which were not anything over the top or crazy!) are the the things where I feel the church has missed the mark on and missed the reason the church is in existence. In fact, I’m more discouraged with them as Christians in their beliefs and most of all their handling of the situation that they tried to squash what I had to say. And I honestly feel so strong about how much the church has bastardized its mission and how neglectful the church is being towards those who need assistance that I can’t keep my feelings to myself. Spending millions of dollars on audio/video equipment (which many churches do) while people in our streets go hungry is merely one example. When I post/talk about these issues I don’t bring them up in a spiteful manner; I speak from the heart for why it upsets me. I can handle less than perfect acoustics in a church if it means others can have food to eat, or healthcare for their illness. A while back my wife and I visited a church that was a beautiful church building with concrete floors, grandiose vaulted ceilings, and a sound system that by the looks of it might have cost $10,000. Were the acoustics the best? Not by any means, but I can honestly say I had a more worshipful experience that Sunday than at any other church here in Little Rock. (We also got a pretty good aerobic workout because it was an anglican church which meant we were doing a lot of up, down, kneel, up, down, kneel, up, down, kneel. I digress…)
Thou has committed a grave sin! “Say What?!”
The manner in which these two guys “confronted” me about their issues with me, and also in the weeks leading up to it (they never responded to emails and texts that I had sent to both of them with honest questions and concerns), and also the way they kept me in the dark with their feelings towards what I posted and never voiced any disapproval until they gave me their ultimatum of “stop posting or get out”, and the fact that they gave me such a ridiculous ultimatum, it was very clear to me and my wife that we would not remain in that community group. And I ended up letting them know our decision just right before their 48 hour deadline expired (I wanted to create a little soap-opera-esque drama 😉 The way they handled the entire situation honestly almost felt like I had committed some huge sin and they were enacting “church discipline” on me. In no way whatsoever was what went down in this situation a reflection of good, true, meaningful community. Again, it was just absolutely 100% absurd.
Why are we so quick to eliminate and/or paint people as miscreants when they hold a different point of view than what we hold? It seems like Christians have no tolerance whatsoever.
I Must Break You…But In Case I Can’t Please Just Go Away.
Of all religions, the Christian is without doubt
the one which should inspire tolerance most,
although up to now the Christians
have been the most intolerant of all men.
The longer you are removed, chronologically,
from your conversion the more likely it is
that you’re going to struggle with self-righteousness.
– Darrin Patrick
Spiritual security comes when we stop being anxious about others and begin to watch after ourselves.
– Teresa of Avila
Faith afraid to think is unbelief masked in piety.
Unbelief afraid to think is pseudo-faith
with Enlightenment trimmings.
– G. Ebeling tweeted by @trippfuller
Do the hard work of questioning your doubts,
not just the easy work of raising them.
Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord!
– Lamentations 3:40
I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend. – Thomas Jefferson
“Humility is born when we acknowledge our biases and the limitations of our perspectives. … An important part of life is learning to see things from different perspectives rather than simply judging those who don’t agree. I am a person of faith. I believe we are supposed to cooperate with each other instead of comparing ourselves to one another. I believe that each person on this planet is unique and different – a Masterpiece. The hues of melanin add beauty and the myriad of philosophies and perspectives make me consider and evaluate what I most deeply believe. Faith is supposed to encourage me to courageously explore all of life, not to fear the unknown. Faith is supposed to teach me to trust that God is with me wherever I go, not to rely on sight alone. This means that there are times when the perspectives and schemas I’ve developed to process life must be completely torn down and rebuilt when new and challenging viewpoints are presented.”
– Ethan D. Bryan, “Run Home & Take a Bow, Stories of Life, Faith And a Season With The Kansas City Royals”
Building off of Ethan’s great quote (from his book which I highly recommend!!)…as Yoda would say…
“You must unlearn what you have learned”, pretty wise teaching from Jedi master Yoda. We must be willing to not rush in so quickly to judge people, but instead see what we can learn from others…but I’ll delve more into that in part 3.
So after going through all of this ridiculousness over the past 6 months it got me thinking about how some Christians treat other people (and yes, even how some Christians treat other Christians), and how some people deal with others who who hold different views. It’s honestly a bit discouraging when you think about it.
What is the right way to handle those who have different belief-systems? It seems simple when you think about, but what we believe we should do and what we actually do are sometimes two entirely different things. The ole “ought/is” debate. It’s always fun. 🙂
1) Why we treat some people the way we do, 2) a glimpse of what should’ve happened in my community group, and 3) what can be learned from the whole crazy situation, are topics I’ll dive into in part III. (I promise it won’t be as long of a time-frame to post part III. 😉